tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-23141919099614931982024-03-05T19:49:27.525-08:00Living on the edge of the worldThe Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.comBlogger137125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-63157650396938910142016-12-23T03:20:00.002-08:002016-12-23T03:23:43.281-08:00Hunger<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Hunger</span></u><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">My first week in the Home. A medical is what the young nurse
says. No choice. I can remember the nurse weighing me. Just a point on a chart.
My point so low.</span><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">“You must eat more” the nurse said – like an echo of what she
said to Eve. Eat more? Sometimes, in my former world, to eat at all was just a
hope.</span><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">A hope that perhaps this weekend I would have a breakfast, lunch
and tea. “No lunch for you, you wicked girl and no tea for answering back.” </span><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Sit on the bed. Sit and smell my lunch. See my lunch thrown out
the door. Luckily I have a store. A secret store of food. Not much, short
rations. Eat more? No chance for Ella!</span><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p></o:p></span></span> </div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="font-size: small;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><em>Editor’s
Note - When Ella arrived at the Children's Home she was in a very poor mental
and physical state. It has proved impossible to ascertain why this particular
home was chosen - perhaps it was just that there was a vacancy there and that
it was located far enough away from Ella’s birth parents? Nor is it clear why
Ella wasn't moved on to a foster family. It has been suggested that the close
friendship that developed between Ella and Eve was seen as beneficial to both
of them and that there was nothing to be gained by splitting them up?<o:p></o:p></em></span></span></span></div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-91022747274810070612016-11-25T02:50:00.001-08:002016-11-25T02:50:14.096-08:00My first meal in the Children’s Home
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">My first meal in the Children’s Home</span></u><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Sitting here all alone. They said this is my room.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">A bright and light and airy room. Just me and my black bag. Black
despair and one bin bag alone in my new room.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Alone but still I’m scared.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Scared of the noises from downstairs. Downstairs, they showed me
the downstairs. They showed where I eat, work and play.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">I’ve got to eat with strangers now. Not like it was at home.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Strangers, young and old, looking, wondering, whispering.
Whispering about the new girl, that worried, thin girl.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Thin, that’s me. Meals made me thin, that and Mr Nut Job.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">The gong! A thin, tinny sound, not imperious, but still
summoning me.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">You must not ignore the gong. The lady told me that.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">The lady, tall and thin. She had seen it all before. The fear,
the marks, the haunted eyes.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Get up Ella. Brush your hair, dry your eyes. Look hard and
tough, not scared.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Scared? You bet I am. Down the stairs. One flight, two flights.
Nearly there.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">That’s the door at the foot of the stairs. Noise and smells are
pouring out.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">I stand by that open door. Nothing changes, not even a glance.
Am I invisible?</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Invisible? Forgotten? No spare places that I can see. Except for
one. That girl alone.</span><span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">That girl alone, she sees me now. I know her. The girl next
door. Don’t know her name, that girl. Does she know me? She waves and points.</span></div>
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"></span> </div>
<div align="center" class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Points at the empty chair beside her. Look casual Ella, I tell
myself. “You must be Ella? My name’s Eve.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";"><o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "Arial Narrow","sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; mso-bidi-font-family: "Courier New";">Editor’s
Note - Of all the poems that Ella has contributed to this anthology this
remains my favourite. The raw emotion and the way that Ella has written the
poem in the same way as she talks - with short well-crafted sentences - makes
this poem the "essence of Ella".<o:p></o:p></span></div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-82349699077287670422016-11-11T01:41:00.000-08:002016-11-11T01:41:06.030-08:00The final placement<div style="text-align: center;">
<u><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 18pt;">The final
placement</span></u><span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 18pt;"> </span><span style="font-family: "times new roman" , "serif"; font-size: 12pt;"><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Failure was what I knew, all
that I knew, all that I ever seem to manage. I’m good at failure. I’ve had lots
of practice. I wrote the book on failure. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">They kept a book on girls like
me. Tracking the spiral, going down. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">It all goes down, what I did
wrong. The problems caused. The sanctions. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Sanctions - that’s a nice
harmless word. A word that tells you nothing. Nothing to show who’s at fault.
No adult is ever at fault - just me. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Point the finger of fault at
Eve. She’s too quiet, too bright, needs too much. The question now is what to
do. Who gets the shortest straw, gets Eve? <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">An idea, the committee have an
idea. What can that Godly couple do with her? That Godly couple. Older not
wiser. The triumph of optimism over experience. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">Older, greyer they welcomed me
in. A bad start, a Bible on the bed. It got worse. Grace at the start of the
meal. Then silence, an awkward strained silence.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">God’s Will broke the silence.
A nice Sunday School lecture on sins and faults. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">My sins and faults no doubt.
They pause for breath, my turn to speak. Deep breath. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">A deep breath, a faked yawn.
“I’m very tired, can I go to bed now, please”. No fight. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 14pt; line-height: 115%;">No fight left in me. Just
another unfamiliar bedroom. No fighting until tomorrow!</span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoPlainText" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial narrow" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt;"><span style="color: red;">Editor’s
Note - <u><strong>Eve</strong></u> remembers relatively little of her time in foster care. Some of her
memories are very fragmented and others are so specific that they might allow
places or individuals to be identified by a determined researcher. The story of
Eve's final placement is somewhat different because she remembers the details
so clearly and because no personal details need to be disclosed for the full
story to be told.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-728413834993047612016-11-04T01:35:00.002-07:002016-11-04T01:35:27.216-07:00The value of networking for foster kids<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the last month I have either been helped or have helped 3 long-term friends that I made during my work with children's home or fostered children. These three were the subject of an earlier blog entry so it is nice to report a bit more on these lovely people.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><strong>Jam Tart</strong> was a former subscriber to the <span style="color: red;">Adoption and Fostering in the UK forum</span> and that is where we first met him. His own parents had been <span style="color: red;">long-term foster parents</span> so he didn’t have many illusions about the realities of being a <span style="color: red;">foster child</span>. His life experience meant he was one of the few people who could empathise with our situation. He works as Head of Science at a school on the England/Wales border but as part of his Continuing Professional Development he had been tasked with raising awareness of the particular needs of "looked after children". I was able to point him in direction of a several possible speakers and he ended up using two of my suggestions.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br /><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>Kitty B</strong> is a close friend of Ella’s Mother-in-Law. She has been a <span style="color: red;">foster parent</span> for many years and, kind soul that she is, has offered Ella and I some excellent advice and support more than once. In 2013 she decided to <span style="color: red;">stop fostering</span> for a while because her final teen has been moved onwards and upwards and she decided that she needed a break from all the stress. The firm her husband works were planning to move to Coventry but in the end stayed in Worcestershire so all the uncertainty and upset caused by this cancelled proposal wasn't even needed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> She needed a new job and thanks to Didi (via me) a suitable one was found in a local hotel. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>Reigning Monarch</strong> has a lot in common with <strong>Kitty B</strong> in that she too has been <span style="color: red;">fostering for many years.</span> She lives near Blackpool and has met up with some of our friends from there a couple of times. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">Her Mother died in July 2015 and her Father moved into a residential nursing home until the Grim Reaper came calling. She has made a very generous donation towards the next Care Kids Conference in their joint memories.. </span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial";"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span></span></span></span></span></span> </div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-68583581347817339012016-10-28T07:31:00.001-07:002016-10-28T07:31:50.072-07:00Just a girl I used to know - part 4 (lke a yo-yo)<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There have been a few people who have been in and out of my life several times. They would become part of my circle of close friends - then something would happen and we would drift apart - but then months or even years later we would get back into contact and the whole cycle would start again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Caroline was the vicar at a church I used to visit (fairly irregularly). When I first joined her congregation she made me feel welcome, partly because I was by far the youngest adult member of her "flock" and partly because, just as I was, she was married with a pre-school child. Gradually though I noticed a certain "chill" developing between us - I was slowly but certainly marginalised in those aspects of church life that I most enjoyed. I tried hard to stay friendly and co-operative but it wasn't to be. I came to dread seeing her and so I stopped going to "her" church and all contact between us stopped. Then quite suddenly there was a community project and she and I attended the first meeting. She made a point of sitting next to me and she chattered away as if there had never been any tension between us. We ended up in the same sub-group and we worked quite well together as part of a team of 4. But then I noticed she had started allocating all the more important or interesting jobs to anybody but me and the sense of here we go again was spookily strong. This is "an on-going situation" as they say. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Another Caroline was a lady in her 40s who had moved to a rented house a few doors away from where I live. Her husband had moved to the town when he took up a promoted post locally and she was feeling quite lonely. We used to meet up for coffee and a chat on a Saturday (her husband used to work Saturdays) but then she started making excuses that gradually got stranger and less believable. I took the hint and regular contact lapsed. Then her friend from another rented house moved away at short notice and Caroline made contact with me. This is "an on-going situation".</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-40100922478143297062016-10-14T01:11:00.000-07:002016-10-14T01:11:14.304-07:00Remember that proposed magazine for Care Kids?<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Do you remember that proposed magazine for Care Kids? I do, Ella does but I bet that most of you don't! Well the idea has been dropped, I imagine for good. In three months "almost nobody" signed up for 12 issues and issue 1 didn't, so I'm told, get past the proof copy stage.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">It was back in May 2016 that I</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> received a flyer seeking my support for the publication of this monthly electronic magazine targeted at care-leavers. Enthusiasm there was in plenty but not much relevant experience nor much financial or commercial realism that we could see.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Strangely this was going to a subscription based business model - £12.00 per year for 12 issues. This, of course, made the already slim chance of success even more emaciated. None of the many ideas for regular content were particularly original and it wasn't obvious who was going to write the 16 pages required each month. Any subscriber is going to expect around 200 pages of content (16 pages x 12 issues) for their money and creating that was never going to be either quick or easy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The business model I saw predicted an income of £3000 per year in the first year. Income not profit. Not nearly enough I hear you saying and you would be dead right! Who in their right mind if they have the skills to write 200 pages of content would do so at little more than the minimum wage. </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">So having ruled out paid for content the only other option is a volunteer or volunteers and that would have been an organisational nightmare.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Theo, the #2 in the organisation, is as honest a person as you could ever hope to meet so there isn't any suggestion of a scam. The other names on the flyer were unknown to me but that isn't surprising given how fragmented the world of care-leavers is. Many people have wondered if there are many semi-organised groups of care-leavers scattered around the country totally ignorant of the existence of other similar groups? Nobody I know believes that</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> with all the thousands of care leavers in a place like London there isn't somebody with the drive to set up a self-help group. Yet of my circle of "inside the M25" friends none have ever seen proof that such a group exists. </span>The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-13302017750602129832016-09-30T01:20:00.001-07:002016-09-30T01:20:53.288-07:00Supporting former foster kids - The Blackpool Pub Meet<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We thought it might be useful to have another look at the Blackpool Pub Meetings as an example of the support structures both needed and wanted by former foster children (and former Children's Home survivors)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Blackpool depends heavily on tourism and conferences to support the local economy. This means that Blackpool has large numbers of hotels and guest houses all competing for employees. Many former foster children seem to end up in this sector - probably because many of the larger employers offer a room as part of the employment package. This gives the young person a base and the opportunity to work and job hunt at the same time.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The regular social gatherings that took place were a lifeline to many young people living away from home for the first time. It wasn't just the meetings it was also the gradual putting together of a social network of familiar names and faces that was important. Some gatherings seem to specialise in overseas workers, some seem to attract the sporting element (mainly lads) and the Blackpool Pub-Meet has been a regular feature of the Care-Kids scene in Blackpool for the last 5 years. November 2016 will be the 61st such gathering!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There wasn't some great master plan behind the Pub Meet. It just seemed to happen. Happily the attendance sheets for every meeting have survived intact and many of the names will be familiar to regular readers of this blog. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As an example the very first meeting had just 7 people present but three of them are still prominent in the former care kids scene five years later. These three were<strong> Didi, Charlotte and 38DD</strong>. Two other girls lasted for a few months before their circumstances changed and they, separately, left the area and the last two, both lads, only attended three meetings between them.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For the first couple of years the attendance varied between 7 and 17. There was a small group who almost always would turn up, a rather larger "sometimes attend" group and a whole mass of people who would only come once or twice before they would disappear never to be seen or heard from again.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The attendance sheets are quite sad in their own way. All those names and contact details of people that came into our lives for a short time and then left - who knows where? I expect that they are spread all over the world by now.</span> </o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p></o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p>Over the last month I (Didi that is) emailed a random selection of 20 of the people on the attendance sheets. It became an "interesting experiment".</o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p></o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p>6/20 - The email address was no longer recognised and an error message was the only thing I received back.</o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p></o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p>5/20 - The email appeared to get through but no reply was received.</o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p></o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p>4/20 - A short reply - a maximum of just 2 or 3 lines - was received. Usually the person was surprised to hear from a voice from their past. Three of the four were living outside the UK, mainly back in their country of birth.</o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p></o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p>3/20 - A lengthy update of what had been going on in their lives. All three seemed happy enough and offered to stay in touch.</o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p></o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p>2/20 - Were still in Blackpool, still in the hospitality sector and both said they would come to the next Pub Meet</o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p></o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p>By any fair measure the Pub Meet was a great success. Many long-term friendships were made and many problems solved via a listening ear.</o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Eve, Ella and I have made a lot of friends through the Blackpool Pub-meet. In no particular order there was -</span><br />
<ol>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>Charlotte</strong> - Her long-term foster parents live just down the coast and she sees them for Sunday lunch about once a month. She works for a catering company and shares a flat with <strong>38DD</strong>.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>Dawn P</strong> who was adopted after being orphaned. She had a horrid falling out with them in 2009 and her only regular contact with them is a letter at Christmas.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>Di from Leeds</strong> - she now<strong><em> </em></strong>lives in Preston but decided to keep the same user name. She has been a monthly email correspondent with Ella and I for several years and we speak on the phone every few months.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>38DD</strong> is a combination of a saint and a star. Within a week of moving to Blackpool she had three jobs and when most people would have grumbled like mad about living in a caravan until the worker she was replacing worked out his notice she just got on with it. Eventually she found a flat to share with <strong>Charlotte</strong> and they got married in 2016. 38DD always phones us at the same time, 10:30AM on a Sunday, so if the phone rings then we always know who is calling us.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>Northpier1</strong> is something of a “man of mystery”. Didi first met him when she was on a course at t<span class="st1">he </span>Blackpool<span class="st1"> and the Fylde </span>College. He seems to have spells of looking affluent with a decent car and smart clothes and spells of riding a bike to work looking distinctly the worse for wear. He claims to have spent two years (15 to 17) in a Children’s Home and there is nothing to suggest that this isn’t true. When <strong>Didi and 38DD</strong> visited him, unexpectedly, at his bed-sit there were zero family photos on show and this is fairly typical of a young person from the background he claimed to have had.</span></li>
<li><span style="font-weight: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>Northpier2 and Didi</strong> met not long after Didi arrived at the seaside. Like Didi she had been fostered so they had lots of things in common. At that stage Northpier2 was working just along the prom from Didi and they used to meet up most days. In June 2011 she moved to a job well south of the south pier rather than north of the north pier so Didi didn't bump into her nearly so often. She then disappeared for a while before unexpectedly emailing Didi from a cyber cafe in Berlin to say she was coming home. </span></o:p></span></li>
<li><span style="font-weight: normal;"><o:p><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>Spiders Web</strong> comes along to a few meetings - it seems to depend on where she is in the relationship cycle with whoever is her current boyfriend!</span></o:p></span></li>
<li><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong>Wobbly</strong> is a long-time friend and work colleague of 38DD. She has a background in finance – via her foster Dad.</span> </o:p></o:p></span></span></span></li>
</ol>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-weight: normal;"><o:p><o:p></o:p></o:p></span></span></span><br />The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-43843176563071129842016-09-23T07:51:00.000-07:002016-09-23T07:51:21.018-07:00Words of wisdom - Didi's<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">“Perhaps it isn’t just a coincidence that Old Timer (in a letter) and
my fostered friends from Blackpool (in a phone call) all used the word
“rootless” to describe how they feel.</span></i><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
I find that I have strong links to my friends but no sense of belonging to any
of the many places I have lived. For reason that some of you know it would not
be sensible for me to visit where I was brought up. The few school friends from
those days that I have kept in touch with use an email address that only they
know and use. None of them know where I live now or what I’m doing with my
life.</span></i><br />
<em><span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span></em><br />
<em><span style="font-family: "calibri";">I check the address quite often but usually none of them have been in touch. And why should they want to have contact with somebody who will not reveal anything about what they are up to?</span></em></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><br /><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
But being rootless isn’t just geographical. Many of the fostered adults I know
have few photos of their childhood and the few photos they do have sometimes
have no indication of who is on the photo or where it was taken. I have exactly
three photos of my BF, but none of his brother (my uncle) or his parents (my
paternal grandparents).</span></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span></i> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
</div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">One thing I thought I might share is that not one of the former foster
children feels that they have the slightest chance of ever owning a home. And I
think this is so sad! The reason isn't hard to find. No "Bank of Mum and
Dad" to help out with the deposit combined with the perpetual problem of
foster kids timing out of care at a crucial time in their education. But the
good news is that many/most of the people I ate/drank/partied with are in happy
and long-term relationships and there isn't nearly as much loneliness as there
was when they first timed out.</i><br />
</span><div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></i> </span></div>
<span style="font-family: "calibri";">
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></i> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">When you are a foster child happiness can be hard to find. The sense of
having no roots and no family history to share with friends and
co-workers and the, sometimes overwhelming, sense of loneliness can almost
unendurable. </i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></i> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;"></i> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><i style="mso-bidi-font-style: normal;">"It has been mentioned elsewhere that many foster children and
children raised in Care Homes have very little enthusiasm or interest in family
history. Too right even seeing the photo of my BF makes my skin crawl. The few
photos I have are locked up in a box and I don't have the slightest idea where
they are or why I keep them.”<o:p></o:p></i></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "times new roman";">
</span><o:p></o:p></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p></o:p> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p></o:p> </div>
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
</div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-6765415661002606632016-09-16T07:03:00.000-07:002016-09-16T07:03:47.453-07:00Six months in Germany - AC/DC returns<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><AC/DC's section> It feels strange for Robbie and I being back in England. We are living again in my old foster parents "granny annex". They seems pleased to see us back "safe and sound" after our big adventure.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I am very pleased that I went but I am also very pleased that it was only for six months! You can put up with most things if you know exactly when it is going to end. I think there were 3 main parts of our time in Germany.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The first few weeks were quite sad for us. Our German language wasn't very good and the flat where the catalogue publisher put us to live wasn't very nice. We didn't know enough German to complain to the owner and we didn't know what our rights were either. We did wonder if we had made a big mistake coming to Germany but then one evening the boss of the modelling contract came round with some papers for me to sign and she was shocked where we were living. Three days later we were moved somewhere much better that matched the lease I had signed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The next 4 months were very busy. Sometimes 6 or 7 days a week. I made quite a lot of money but not as much as I had expected as there are all sorts of taxes. The last few weeks were spend counting the days until we flew home and the days went by very slowly.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">Neither of us know what we are going to do next. There are always overseas contracts for models but I don't think I want to do the same sort of work again as I have just been doing. I will need to decide quite soon though! I don't really want to go back to boring shop work.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><The back-story, written by Ella></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: red;">I thought I would tell readers a little bit about this wonderful person! <span style="font-family: "calibri";">AC/DC is <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">what I call a feisty girl.</span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you ever wanted a role model to show that being fostered can be a positive and life-changing experience then I think AC/DC would be hard to beat.</span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">AC/DC came into our life during the final days of the on-line Adoption and Fostering forum. It was back in early 2013 when she posted about her money troubles and how her former foster family had come to the rescue. As the months went by we found out about her dysfunctional Mother and how AC/DC had ended up in Care.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">By June 2013 Ella and I invited AC/DC to become part of our blogging group. This was partly because she wrote such interesting content and partly because I was worried that she would be left stranded if Honey suddenly shut the forum down.</span> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "arial";">She and Robbie are two of our closest friends</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><What AC/DC wrote just before she left> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I work as a model. Sometimes I'm a nude model for colleges but usually I appear in clothes catalogues for companies based in Germany and Poland. When I first met Eve and Ella I mainly worked in shops on minimum wages. I basically didn't have any spare money so when I saw a life model job at the Art Centre that paid lots more than shops paid I applied. I got that job and ever since then I have done more modelling and less shop work each year.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In 2015 I was earning enough as a model to give up working in a proper job. I did about 2 or 3 days a week for the last 6 months of the year until suddenly I was offered a 6 month contract in Germany. It was for lots of money and with a firm I had worked for before so I decided to take it. My boy friend Robbie is going to come to Germany with me so I will not be on my own in a strange country.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I am a bit scared about going there because I haven't done any German since I left school. I wasn't very good then and I bet I am even worse now. Robbie doesn't seem scared at all so that is good.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I live in what was the Granny Annex of my foster parents house. They have said that we can move back in when we return to England in September so that is kind of them. I passed my driving test last year, at my second time trying, so we will drive to Germany. That will be the first time I have driven on the right rather than the left side of the road.</span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="background-color: white; color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I think my Foster Mum and Dad are a bit sad and worried about my going away but I'm getting grown up now and I need to be able to do this sort of thing.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
</div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-59827939339726679362016-09-01T23:56:00.000-07:002016-09-01T23:56:18.326-07:00Foster kids - On feeling ignored<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Three things matter quite a lot to most bloggers - the number of readers, the number of other blogs that include a link to your blog and the number of comments your individual blog entries receive. Nothing demotivates a blogger more than not getting any readers but bloggers who don't swap links and readers who don't bother to comment on what they have just read are creating secondary problems.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">When I joined the wonderful "<a href="http://theadoptionsocial.com/" target="_blank">Weekly Adoption Shout Out</a>" my number of visitors shot up and the site gave me access to a wide range of useful blogs. So was everything in the world of Eve and Ella wonderful? Not quite!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<div align="center">
<span id="goog_1796586683"></span><span id="goog_1796586684"></span></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYVE_ZtFCONCoEakqlaU0x1L9Op8q0xJ6Wbx_zAn3WmHba8c7nTxhhsQH77Nxod7K7P-WRfBkBl_yePx_F09wcuch-NpISXbKjOE3SDohCW7YsZOZr-Z31qZ01_vAsOyx8i_cyQQvXCDs/s1600/shout+out.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="640" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjYVE_ZtFCONCoEakqlaU0x1L9Op8q0xJ6Wbx_zAn3WmHba8c7nTxhhsQH77Nxod7K7P-WRfBkBl_yePx_F09wcuch-NpISXbKjOE3SDohCW7YsZOZr-Z31qZ01_vAsOyx8i_cyQQvXCDs/s640/shout+out.jpg" width="476" /></a></div>
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<br /></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial";">For the first few weeks I regularly commented on 3 or 4 of the blogs - I also put in a link from my blog to the other blog. Virtually nobody returned the compliment which made me feel quite sad.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Not getting any feedback on a blog post can be very demoralising. Like many bloggers Ella and I put our heart and soul into what we write and we spend a lot of time thinking about what we are going to publish so the deafening sound of reader indifference can be quite hard to live with. I am not suggesting that every reader should feel obliged to comment on every individual post in every blog they read. But when a blogger is attracting 200 to 300 readers per blog entry without motivating a single person to comment then surely there is a problem?</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know that the traditional blog software doesn't encourage spontaneous answers like you would receive on social media and that blog comments aren’t designed for instantaneous feedback. As well as the delay due to moderation and the barriers imposed due to combat spam, blogs are no longer the right kind of breeding ground for that type of comments any more. Commenting on blogs takes up time and it sometimes feels to me that foster carers are particularly time-poor and that I will have to be satisfied with having readers rather than creating a community of people sharing a common interest. Some say the older the reader, the less likely they will want to express their feelings or expose their problems as comments on a blog. </span><span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">I wonder if anybody will comment this week?</span><br />
<br />The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-24350251939440887602016-08-25T02:28:00.000-07:002016-08-25T08:20:27.267-07:00Heaven, hell and death<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Far too many foster children have experienced the death of somebody near to them and I can think of several of my friends who ended up in care because of parental death. If they are like many of us they must wonder sometimes if they will see their parents again or if death is really the end of everything.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Now I am a parent myself the idea of losing a parent isn't as frightening as the thought of losing my own child. Indeed one of the very few sentimental things I have ever heard my "hard as nails" Birth Mother say was her theory on what happens to babies who die.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">She has no doubts that they go to Heaven - even if they have not been baptised - and there they are looked after by young mothers who have died until the babies own Mummy and Daddy also come up to heaven. I was so shocked when she came out with this that at first I thought it was a "wind up" but she really does believe it and in a strange sort of way it is reassuring that she does, sometimes, depart from her logical approach to life!</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Over the years I have attended church services representing many different denominations and it feels that there are as many alternative views on the death of a baby as there are theologians. For years and years the famous statement by Erickson was the closest to my own view:</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<em><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">"If a child dies before he or she is capable of making genuine moral decisions, there is only innocence, and the child will experience the same type of future existence with the Lord as will those who have reached the age of moral responsibility and had their sins forgiven as a result of accepting the offer of salvation based upon Christ's atoning death."</span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<em><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></em> </div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
In 2012 I had my first experience of a baby dying. Cert in a Skirt's baby Rosie died aged 12 weeks. I had known for a while that
Rosie had been diagnosed with a minor heart defect but as more and more tests
were carried out it became clear to us all that the situation was
very serious. The only good thing about this horror story was that they
were both with Rosie when she died. She died very peacefully, her heart just
stopped beating. <o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ella and I both know “Cert in
a Skirt” quite well – she and Ella worked together for 18 months when I was
away at university – and while we don't see her that often she is very much
one of our circle of friends. Two of our blog readers (Goodie Two Shoes and
Pinkie) went to the funeral to represent all of Cert’s foster care and
Children’s Home friends scattered around the UK. <o:p> </o:p></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">As I said at the time - "Fly with the angels, darling
Rosie."</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span> </div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I do struggle with organised religion but I would like to think that Rosie is being looked after and loved in a way that Ella and I were not when we were children.</span></div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-82778053446654334292016-08-19T01:03:00.001-07:002016-08-19T01:03:28.059-07:00Holidays<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We have just returned from a three night break over on the Welsh coast. We being Ella and I plus husbands and children together with <u>Didi</u> and <u>Magda</u>. We stayed in the B&B owned by our long-term adult friend and subscriber<u> Old Timer </u>and his wife Rosemary. As a bonus our friend <u>Sally</u> and her boy friend drove over just for one day to join in the fun. Rather strangely we know Sally via 2 quite different routes. She lives just down the road from Didi and Magda but she also shares the same adult mentor as Ella and I - it is a small world isn't it?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The B&B has six rooms and so we filled up the entire top floor which worked out well. The rooms and the breakfasts were excellent and were certainly worth the 5 star rating we gave on Trip Advisor. Nicola and Alice behaved nicely throughout although having six adults to look after them probably helped. I wish I could say the same about some of the children we saw while we were eating out!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">The weather wasn't brilliant. Not cold but not sunny either and we had odd bits of rain most days. Of course the little ones enjoyed playing on the beach and paddling in the sea and we did all the usual beach games with them. About half of every day was spent on the beach.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">We also visited assorted castles and had a fantastically expensive trip on one of the many tourist railways that operate in the area. We thought the railway would be crowded but once we saw the prices we realised why it wasn't! To make up for this on the day our two extra visitors came over we had a longish trip on a pleasure boat. This was super value for money and we saw dolphins right next to the boat.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial;">Is it just me or has eating out got quite a lot more expensive recently? We ate out each evening in three different places and each time we felt that the prices were rather high for the rather small portions served up to us. At least eating early meant we avoided the worst of the queues that developed later on.</span><br />
<br />
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-5560464365656627392016-08-18T23:58:00.000-07:002016-08-18T23:58:06.868-07:00Why respite care is such a bad idea - revisted!<span style="color: blue;">I posted this blog entry back in April 2016 and it stirred up a firestorm of comments. Ignoring for a moment the comments posted by my friends - they were as you would expect friendly and supportive - there were very much two violently opposed "camps".</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Some foster carers explained at considerably length why their birth family "needed" and were "entitled" to time on their own. Others criticised me for being ungrateful, without really explaining what I was supposed to be grateful for!</span><br />
<span style="color: blue;"></span><br />
<span style="color: blue;">Against them was ranged the former foster kids who had experienced respite care first hand. They agreed with my opinions as did some of the foster parents who contacted me.</span><br />
<br />
<em>"When I was in foster care I was never taken on the annual family holiday. It hurt then, it hurts now and it will hurt for ever and ever. Instead I was dumped - I use that word because that is what it felt like - with people I hardly knew for two weeks respite care.</em><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>If you a teenager who is even fairly articulate you know exactly what "respite" means! It means temporary relief from something <span class="oneClick-link">distressing</span> <span class="oneClick-link">or</span> <span class="oneClick-link">trying. So having me living in your home is such a burden that you have to be given a respite from me. </span></em><br />
<span class="oneClick-link"><em></em></span><br />
<span class="oneClick-link"><em>Many foster children suffer from low self esteem and nothing about the concept of respite care will do anything to improve that. In fact I can be almost 100% certain that two weeks respite care destroys most of the positive things achieved in the previous 50 weeks.</em></span><br />
<span class="oneClick-link"><em></em></span><br />
<span class="oneClick-link"><em><span class="oneClick-link">My foster family wanted to go to Disney World in Florida. For a whole range of reasons it was decided that I wasn't going to be included in the trip and my foster-parents had the "interesting" task of convincing me that two weeks in Malvern with strangers would be as much fun as two weeks in Florida with people I knew. </span><span class="oneClick-link">I don't think they ever knew how sad that conversation made me. I was superb at hiding my emotions because I thought that if I made a fuss I would be sent away. And so I bottled up the sadness because somehow I thought if I did God might eventually find me a forever family. I wasn't stupid - I knew respite for me just meant another set of house rules I didn't know and having nobody I knew to play with.</span></em></span><br />
<span class="oneClick-link"><em></em></span><br />
<span class="oneClick-link"><em>I can never visit the Worcestershire town of Great Malvern without remembering one particular spell of respite care. Not because it was bad, it was as good as I ever had, but because it proves that even at its best respite care just isn't good enough.</em></span><br />
<span class="oneClick-link"><em></em></span><br />
<span class="oneClick-link"><em>I was lucky because the weather was warm and sunny almost every day. This was a blessing because most mornings my Respite Foster Mother (RFM) would take me for a walk. A long walk around this only moderately interesting town or up into the nearby hills. We would take a sandwich lunch and we would talk about all sorts of strange things like church history or wild flowers. There seemed to be an unwritten rule that I wasn't supposed to talk about me - so I didn't. My RFM tried hard but I wanted to be in Florida or at least with my friends but didn't feel secure enough to share that with anybody. </em></span><br />
<em></em><br />
<em>Eventually the 2 weeks came to an end and I went back to my foster family. Just as I knew would happen they had returned home with loads of happy shared memories and photos. Of course the pictures were admired and some were put on show - and I left feeling excluded and marginalised and third rate."</em>The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-78074838192693306232016-08-09T10:53:00.001-07:002016-08-09T10:53:36.662-07:00How I survived in and out of care - a review<br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj3HG83-xPsBF6daIPL7GjcSMqDZnl_fIU9rDw_UMnY7wQnmQFuSo1Sohb_i6LvXod61gdll3dwLmAicE_6glfLgLKL416jZrbr5dFtp1EbVZCPWmtUES7EpEpdx0HtrBewk8N4bvUeNs/s1600/oldfrontcover.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="320" src="https://blogger.googleusercontent.com/img/b/R29vZ2xl/AVvXsEjj3HG83-xPsBF6daIPL7GjcSMqDZnl_fIU9rDw_UMnY7wQnmQFuSo1Sohb_i6LvXod61gdll3dwLmAicE_6glfLgLKL416jZrbr5dFtp1EbVZCPWmtUES7EpEpdx0HtrBewk8N4bvUeNs/s1600/oldfrontcover.jpg" width="213" /></a></div>
<br />
<div align="center">
The book is available through Amazon in the <a href="http://www.amazon.co.uk/How-I-survived-out-Care/dp/1502434849/ref=sr_1_1?ie=UTF8&qid=1423305960&sr=8-1&keywords=in+and+out+of+care" target="_blank">UK</a> and the <a href="http://www.amazon.com/How-I-survived-out-Care/dp/1502434849/ref=sr_1_1?s=books&ie=UTF8&qid=1423306051&sr=1-1&keywords=survived+in+and+out+of+care" target="_blank">USA</a>.</div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you were fostered or if you spent time living in a
Children’s Home you need to read this book. Many books have been written and
many websites have been created that discuss fostering from the perspective of
the foster parent. Virtually nothing, until now, has been written from the
point of view of the child. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">In the book Ella and I share a wide range of survival
strategies that, quite literally, can make the difference between being happy
or sad or between life and death. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">If you are a prospective or current foster carer you also
need to read the book. Your foster children are clients of an enormously
expensive system yet virtually none of the “movers and shakers” seems to have
any interest in their views or experiences. </span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-size: 12pt; line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">You owe it to them and to yourself to have this knowledge
because as you know – knowledge is power.<o:p></o:p></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div align="center">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="color: red;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> <span style="color: blue;"><strong>A REVIEW OF THE BOOK </strong></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="http://blueskyfostering.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/in-and-out-of-care.html"><span style="color: blue; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><strong>http://blueskyfostering.blogspot.co.uk/2015/01/in-and-out-of-care.html</strong></span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="post-body entry-content" id="post-body-41124253292917960" itemprop="description articleBody">
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: black; font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Not enough is known about how it feels to be fostered.</em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">So a book that starts like this:</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"I wrote this book to repay a debt. Not a financial debt, although money does come into the story, but an emotional debt to two groups of people. Those who helped me survive 18 years of living in foster care or in a Children's Home and those who subsequently helped me to recover from those difficult times."</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Is gold.</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The author is Eve Higgins. She was abandoned as a baby and went through a series of foster placements before ending up in a Children's Home as being impossible to place. </span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">If you don't know, the word "place" means be put into a foster home. </span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The book contains a number of carefully observed home truths. For example, the author notes that;</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">"The average quality of foster care declines as the age of the child increases"</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You could probably write a book about that observation alone, it gives you an idea of how sharply some foster children see what's happening around them.</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">The book isn't structured like a conventional book, it's built along the lines of how the world must seem to children whose lives are fractured. That's the genius.</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">You get to read the conscious musings of a young lady who has been somewhere we foster carers need to know about, as well as a sense of her swirling emotions and the clutching at relationships to make up for the massive absences of good parenting and a solid home. Clutching at relationships with other young people who have also endured.</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">These young people come and go, people called Angel, Queen of the World, Twinkle, Goodie Two Shoes, Miss Peanut and Tiger Tim. The author uses the psuedonyms partly to protect people who, she says, don't want anyone from their past to be able to track them down.</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">I think the names she has for them speak volumes of lost childhoods.</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">A big gist of Eve's book is tied up in the fact that all the attempts to bind her into a foster family didn't work, and she was moved to a Home. To read her words is a great chance to up your game as a foster carer. </span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">She had plenty of good fostering experiences, but always felt different. I think, it seems to me, she wanted to build a piece of her own family rather than be given a strange one on a plate, one which had already formed before she arrived. She wanted to create a piece of family for herself.</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">In the Children's Home she clicked with the girl in the next door room, Ella.</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">There's stuff every foster carer should know, just for background. Do you know where a foster child might hide contraband in their room? I do now.</span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">But the book offers much much more than tips and hints. It's a precious insight into how coming into care is for the child, and how we carers have to be at the top of our game, with all our love and strength and powers of understanding and intuition, kindness and humanity. </span></span></span></em></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"><br /></span><em><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"> <span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;">Having read the book the new thing I have to bring to my future fostering is that the child wants and needs to build her corner of family. She needs and deserves to be the creator, the constructor, the developer of relationships that she finds rewarding because they help the other person. She, or he, wants to be useful, like we all do.</span></span></span></em></div>
<span style="color: blue; font-family: "trebuchet ms" , sans-serif;"></span> </div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-87553738717557383792016-08-05T02:10:00.000-07:002016-08-05T02:10:02.747-07:00Going into battle on your own<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you were fostered or brought up in a Children's Home you will one day realise that you will be fighting most battles on your own. No help from a birth family and, usually, no help from an allocated social worker either. Just you against the system. It is a really important survival skill to recognise that if you don't fight for yourself then nobody else is going to bother fighting for you.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Leaving school is a really important landmark for most young people. Looking back perhaps I shouldn't be too surprised that neither of us came through this phase of our lives with happy memories. But I did get the grades to go off to university so my time wasn't wasted: it is more that the social part of being a normal 6th former was not something that I ever experienced and that seems a pity. Neither of the stories here are strongly unjust but they are good examples of where pushy parents would probably have managed to arrange a better outcome than we managed!</span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u></u></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><u>Ella's bit</u></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Up to Christmas of year 13 we were both
at school. But then things went wrong. League tables mattered more than me to the Head. With nobody to stick up for me it took about three weeks to go from having no problem to a “cause for concern” pupil to goodbye Ella. </span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">With no parents to offer advice and support and a social worker on maternity leave I was doomed. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">As ever it was money that was the problem. <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Eve will tell you that I can be a stubborn person. I wanted spending money and I was going to have spending money. So there. It was easy to get cash in hand jobs and after only a few weeks I was hooked. So my school work suffered. That is why I got booted out.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The
first day that Eve went off to school on her own without calling to collect me
first was horrible and weird. I sat waiting around with nothing to do (I was
still only in part time work at that stage) feeling pretty cross with myself
and the world. </span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<u><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;">Eve's bit<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span></span></u><br />
<span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span class="bodyfont1"><span style="color: #0b3053;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
It felt very strange and lonely going to school without Ella especially
at break time and at lunchtime. I worked extra hard at school and was exhausted by the time the exams came. I didn't see much of Ella in the week but we always waved at each other as I walked past her flat on the way to school. We always managed to meet at the weekend and sent
showers of emails either way.</span></span></span><br />
<span class="bodyfont1"><span style="color: #0b3053;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span></span><br />
<span class="bodyfont1"><span style="color: #0b3053;"><span style="color: black; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The end of the summer term was a mess. There was supposed to a Prom for the leavers but I didn't have the money for the fancy clothes the other kids had and so when they said same sex couples couldn't attend Ella and I boycotted the whole thing.</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-size: 11pt; line-height: 115%;"><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[if !supportLineBreakNewLine]--><br style="mso-special-character: line-break;" />
<!--[endif]--></span></div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-45868140037591191602016-07-29T00:26:00.001-07:002016-07-29T00:26:55.751-07:00Eve and Ella praised as "influential figures"!<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I suppose we should both be flattered at being labelled as "influential". Particularly when the comment was made by somebody who has a lifetime of academic and practical experience in the twin areas of fostering teenagers and in the senior management of Children's Homes.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If only it were true!</span></strong></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The sad fact is that for years we have battled against the indifference and ignorance of paid professionals without converting more than a small number to our point of view. By most we are seen as an annoyance - unworthy to be included in the deliberations of the great and the good.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The end result is that life changing decisions are made by people who have no first hand experience of the Local Authority provision they have been tasked with overseeing. Inputs into the limited debate that does take place are carefully orchestrated and younger users of the service are usually excluded from the process.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Can you imagine a major retail outlet that has no interest in the views of the customers? Even Governments are called to account every five years by the people they aim to serve - that is the electorate. But when is comes to improving the life-chances of young people who come into the Care system for the first time as teenagers those most directly involved are marginalised at best or, more often, regarded as having nothing useful to contribute.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If you really want to depress yourself read the document "Children in Care" - especially appendix 2. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<a href="https://www.nao.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Children-in-care1.pdf"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">https://www.nao.org.uk/wp-content/uploads/2014/11/Children-in-care1.pdf</span></a></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">In the section "Our Evidence Base" - there is no mention of asking former foster children or young people who actually lived in a Children's Home for their vews. Grrrrrrr!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">By-the-way we sometimes wonder if readers of our blog are afraid to openly support our views. The number of readers we get is - by normal blogging standards - huge but the number of public comments people post about what we write is almost pathetically small.</span></div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-28499682768164455922016-07-22T03:00:00.000-07:002016-07-22T03:00:45.713-07:00Ella and I learn a new word - diatribe<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong><span class="oneClick-link">A diatribe is a</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">bitter,</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">sharply</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">abusive</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">denunciation,</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">attack,</span> <span class="oneClick-link">or</span> <span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available">criticism.</span></strong></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><strong><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available"></span></strong></span> </div>
<div style="text-align: left;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span class="oneClick-link oneClick-available" style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">For reasons that are a long way from obvious three members of the Newcastle Organising Committee (N.O.C.) - the group behind the unsuccessful bid to hold the 2016 Care Kids Conference in their city - have decided to send out a long, bitter, aggressive and abusive email to everybody who was involved with the recent Cardiff conference.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">So, to nobodies surprise, we got a copy of the diatribe and equally unsurprisingly Ella and I came in for shed loads of venom. The word on the street is that some people on the circulation list have been left seriously upset by what was written about them and others have been left more than a little annoyed.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I suppose bemusement plus a degree of weary amusement is what Ella and I are feeling. Many of the points raised by N.O.C. just don't deserve a lengthy reply or at least not from Ella and I. What I will do is to say a few words about things where we have detailed first hand knowledge. </span><br />
<ol><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">None of the authors of the diatribe were present at the conference so it isn't clear where they got their information from. Most of the "facts" they list are just not true and most of the "opinions" they quote are not typical of the feed-back forms that the conference participants filled in.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">Every penny of the sponsorship money has been accounted for.</span> <span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Virtually all of it went on paying for speakers or subsidising the hotel costs. Less than 1% was paid out to the organisers to refund their expenses and far from "leaving with their purses bulging with un-spent sponsorship money" the organisers were left slightly out of pocket.</span></span></li>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Apparently the "inner circle" had all the best hotels rooms while the delegates had to put up with "second best". All the rooms I saw were basically identical and were allocated in order by the hotel receptionist as people arrived. I didn't hear a single comment about the quality of the rooms during my time at the conference.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Yes the external speakers were rather disappointing. But the amount that would be charged by some of the high profile speakers I have heard mentioned would have been totally out of the price range the organisers could afford.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I have zero clue how anybody could have felt the arrangements for the evening meal were "hopeless". The delegates were given a list of more than a dozen places to eat within a 15 minute walk. None were expensive and many were quite cheap. Some delegates went off to eat in friendship groups: as was their right. But the organisers, plus Didi, Ella and I waited round at reception so that none of the delegates who attended on their own felt forced to eat solo. Two groups of 5 were created and as far as I know everybody who wanted to be social had the opportunity to be exactly that.</span></li>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span>
<li><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial";">Nobody has yet expressed any interest in running the 2017 Conference. And who could blame anybody for thinking that it is a totally thankless task! Any suggestion of a stitch-up by the hard core to meet next year in Blackpool is just silly. If the N.O.C. want to put in a bid for Newcastle then they should go ahead. I still think that g</span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">eography is the biggest weakness of the Newcastle bid and if you plot the locations of the current electorate on a map then the facts speak for themselves. Manchester or Leeds perhaps but surely not Newcastle!</span></span></li>
</ol>
</div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="color: black;"></span></span><br />The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-60354645625638869292016-07-15T00:14:00.000-07:002016-07-15T00:14:47.606-07:002016 Conference "Care Kids at 18+ - joining the wider world"<div style="text-align: center;">
<strong><span style="color: red; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">2016 Conference "Care Kids at 18+ - joining the wider world"</span></strong></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Well the conference has been and gone so it is time for an honest and realistic appraisal of how things went and what lessons have been learned.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The late move of venue from Penarth to Cardiff was handled well and having the delegates staying in one reasonably priced hotel but meeting in another more expensive hotel worked better than I had expected but probably not as well as the organisers had hoped.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The rooms allocated to delegates were all close together on one floor with the curious exception of two rooms that were three floors and a longish walk away. The rooms were fine and good value at the rate that had been negotiated. Breakfast was, as usual, a chaotic bun-fight.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The conference facilities were OK once Ella had made a fuss at reception about what had been promised and what the manager wanted to provide on the day. Nice one Ella!</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The outside speakers were - with one exception - very poor but the internally organised seminars were brilliant which leaves me feeling rather confused! The key-note speaker was clearly re-cycling a talk she had given elsewhere without making more than a minimal attempt to customise it for her target audience. I suggest that future conference organisers look long and hard at doing away entirely with external speakers. In my view they tend to be rather poor value for money. </span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">The wide range of after-hours events on offer to delegates was much appreciated by all concerned and there was no reason for anybody to feel abandoned or left out as had been mentioned as a problem last year.</span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">It proved hard work to get sponsorship for the event. In the end just over £8000 was gathered together from various organisations and people but £5000 of this was from a single source (an adult friend of Ella and I).</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";">A total of 69 delegates attended at least 1 of the two days. 41 people made their own arrangements: either staying in their own home and commuting to the venue or alternatively staying with friends in the area. That left 28 who stayed in the hotel with their costs heavily subsidised by the sponsorship money. </span><span style="font-family: "arial";">Delegates came from as far away as Blackpool, Sheffield, Nottingham, Norwich and SE London which was the good news. Sadly nobody came down from the Newcastle area - perhaps the unsuccessful bidders for this conference were making a point here? I don't know and haven't asked!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="color: red; font-family: "arial";"><strong>Next week I will deal with the content of the talks and seminars.</strong></span><br />
<br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-53740919048873529072016-07-08T00:32:00.001-07:002016-07-08T00:32:56.746-07:00Why Ella and I never get drunk<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Neither Ella and I have drunk more than tiny amounts of alcohol for many years and the back-story behind this decision is rather curious.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ella and I arrived at the Children's Home a few weeks before the start of year 10 at school. People who think of us as an indivisible pair are always surprised to learn that it was only by complete chance that we arrived at the Home so close together in time. Even more surprising with hindsight is that Ella's promised move into foster care never happened and that she was allowed to continue sharing a room in the Home with me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">We were too young to drink legally but there was a local pub that routinely served residents of the Home so had we wanted to get drunk we could have. We had more sense - you very much needed to keep your wits about you in the Home if you wanted to avoid the attentions of the hormonal lads who shared the Home with us and the lustful desires of the local low-life. Smuggling of drink into the Home went on all the time, as did smuggling of tobacco products, but, strangely, we saw little evidence of drug abuse.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">At 18 we had to move into 2 separate flats (a long story that I have shared before) and money was so tight that paying bills and having enough food to eat left us nothing spare for luxuries like alcohol. Then it was off to university for me and into employment for Ella. Money was still tight so again drinking - and smoking - just didn't happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The post marriage but pre children era was probably the first time we could have afforded to drink large quantities of alcohol but we didn't. Neither husband was more than an occasional social drinker so there was no tradition in either household of large scale consumption of booze. Some of our friends did drink too much and I still remember the Big Boss Lady (my employer) getting spectacularly drunk in a hotel in New Zealand when I was on an overseas trip with her.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Then we got pregnant - common sense and medical advice dictated that neither of us should drink at all for those 9 months, so we didn't, and by the time we became parents we were so used to not drinking to excess that we never bothered to acquire that particular vice!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial";"><strong>Boring aren't we!</strong></span>The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-75468575919816675012016-06-30T08:36:00.000-07:002016-07-02T11:03:56.530-07:00People from my past I would love to see again<div style="text-align: justify;">
<strong><u><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">NICOLA MORRIS</span></u></strong></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Although Nicola wasn't a close
friend she was somebody that Ella and I saw quite regularly and she was somebody who has had a major impact on our lives. <strong>You see Nicola was what you would call a typical Children's Home girl. A victim of circumstances, of bad luck and of institutional indifference.</strong></span></span></span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Nicola came into the Care system quite late and after a couple of unsuccessful foster placements she opted for life in a Children's Home. Ella and I are still in touch with Nicola's final set of foster parents and we have found out more about Nicola from them. They have had lots of foster children since Nicola but they still remember her - “She was an artistic girl and we still have one of her pictures in the house. Nicola never settled down to life in our small village and after a few months everybody agreed it would be best for her placement to be ended.”</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">So Nicola then went back to the Children's Home then, at 18, out into the world. She died just over 3 years later. What Nicola really needed was <span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">a special friend to share her daily life but that didn’t seem to have happened. It seems such a waste to die at 21, especially if you didn’t have many happy times in your life. </span>Nicola went into hospital for minor
elective surgery and the wound had got infected with MRSA. When Nicola
(finally) told her former foster parents how ill she was they
visited her every day from then until she died. </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
We saw Nicola alive and well only a few weeks before she passed away. I can still remember the last time we spoke. She was
stacking the tinned vegetable shelves in the supermarket where she worked and we shopped and we had our usual quick exchange of
news.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">
Nicola wasn’t stupid – not by any means – and if she had been given just a bit
more encouragement to stay on at school who knows what might have happened. Ella’s baby was named after her and not long after she was born we got a lovely surprise in the form of cheque for £500 from Nicola's last set of foster parents. They wanted to pass on to us all the money that Nicola had left them in her will. When Nicola realised she was dying she wrote a will that was witnessed by hospital staff. She divided the little she had into 3 pieces and her last foster parents had this one third they have now passed on to us. Another third purchased a bench outside the supermarket where she had worked and one third went to buy games and toys for the Children’s Home that she (and Ella and I of course) had attended.</span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif; mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"></span></span><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">Nicola’s birthday was in early August so on the closest Sunday to the date Ella and I go up to the cemetery and give her headstone a good cleaning. On the way home I like to drop into the church to light a candle for her. Wherever she is I hope she is safe and warm and happy. </span></span><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;">It could so easily
have been Ella or I or another one of our friends buried in the cemetery if
things had worked out just a bit differently. And that it a strange and sombre
thought!</span></span></span></span></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
<div style="text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">I think Nicola would be both touched and surprised that people still remember her short life but Ella and I do think of her quite often and I know we are not alone in missing her.</span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br /></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";">
</span><strong><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; mso-ascii-theme-font: minor-latin; mso-bidi-font-family: "Times New Roman"; mso-bidi-theme-font: minor-bidi; mso-hansi-theme-font: minor-latin;">May she rest in peace.</span></strong></span></span><strong><span style="font-family: "calibri" , "sans-serif"; font-weight: normal;"><o:p></o:p></span></strong></div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-53656508175281076202016-06-03T00:28:00.001-07:002016-06-03T00:28:59.930-07:00A bloggers holiday<strong><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Ella and I are going to have a few weeks break from blogging but fear not we will be returning at the start of July! </span><span style="color: blue; font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">June is a particularly busy month for the four grown-ups in our house so something had to be sacrificed if the total workload was going to remain manageable.</span></strong><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The theme for this week's blog entry is house-hunting. Now we don't usually buy the local newspaper but by chance somebody had left a copy on a bench in the local shopping centre so I was able to have a free read.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">There was the usual mixture of not very exciting local news and sport plus a large pull-out section of houses for sale. Long-time readers might remember that we have been thinking about moving out of the centre of the town to somewhere that is a bit quieter and more pleasant for bringing up the children. We have viewed a handful of houses over the last few years but nothing we looked at seemed much better than where we are now so we haven't made any progress. However there was one house that caught my eye so I phoned up the agent and arranged to go round for a proper viewing. My first thought was that the location wasn't ideal because it was almost <u>too</u> rural - the house is one of a small group of about 8 that are close together but there are no other facilities nearby. No shop, no pub and no public transport.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">The house itself is 25 years old but has recently been updated. The family who were living in it have moved to Austria when the husband got a new job so it is currently empty with the owners (presumably?) looking for a quick sale. It has lovely gardens front and back that would be ideal for the little ones to play in both now but also as they grow up. The kitchen is huge, almost too big just for a kitchen but probably just too small to use as a kitchen-diner. Downstairs there is also a small dining room, a large lounge, a medium sized study plus a family bathroom with bath, shower and WC. All the carpets and curtains are included in the price which is a plus.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Upstairs there are three double bedrooms (one en-suite) and a single bedroom. There is another bathroom as well - but this was the only room in the house that needed updating.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">If only this house could have been in a better location! The more I thought about it the more I realised that the location was just too big a disadvantage to be counter-balanced by the house itself. So we are back to the start of the process - yet again.</span>The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-58608383604454577962016-05-27T00:09:00.000-07:002016-05-27T00:09:50.322-07:00More on the "Care Kids Hard Core"<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">Yesterday Ella got a phone call from Mike S who hasn't been in touch for nearly 4 years. He lives down in South Wales and at one time he was one of the most active people in the former care kids community.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">It was quite a surprise to hear from him after so long but it seems as if he came across our blog during a Google search and when he read the entry for Nov 5th 2014 that mentioned him he thought he would have a chat!</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He is still with the same girl friend that he had when we last heard from him. She is more "mainstream" than him because she comes from a "proper" family who only live about 20 minutes away from the two bedroomed house that Mike S and Maggie share. Maggie's family have been lovely towards him and having a family to turn to has made a big difference to how he now feels about himself and the world in general.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">He explained to us what went wrong with the Cardiff Conference that he started to organise. There were supposed to be 4, including him, on the organising committee. At the first meeting 3 turned up, at the second meeting only two and at the third and fourth meetings Mike S was there on his own. At which point he gave up on the whole idea! <strong>And who could blame him! </strong>There is always a mismatch between the large number of people who would <u>like something</u> to happen and the small number of people prepared to do all the work required to <u>make something</u> happen.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;">What with work and family life he has fallen out of contact with many of his former foster care friends. The only person he sees regularly is Paul E who he seems to bump into quite frequently in and around Barry Island. Mike S seems happy with the way his life is moving on and so he must be thought of as one of the real success stories in our wide circle of friends.</span><br />
<br />
<strong></strong><br />
<br />The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-11678326113710885462016-05-20T00:17:00.000-07:002016-05-22T00:15:33.484-07:00From major influence to no influence<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Big Boss Lady or BBL was the
owner of the business where I worked after I graduated. For several years she was one of my closest grown-up friends and I had enormous respect for her both as a person and as a professional scientist. She was one of the major influences in my life for quite a while.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">She and I had some
memorable times together, most especially during our second trip to New
Zealand. It was during this trip that the first cracks started to appear in our relationship. BBL was usually so nice to me but several times in New Zealand she was quite rude and aggressive. We hardly ever ate together in the evening and it isn't much fun dining on your own in a strange town. I don't have any idea where she went or what she did when she "disappeared". I did ask her once but she just changed the subject. I never did understand why I was asked to go overseas with her except for company and moral support. But then why did she go off on her own so often?</span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"><br /><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span><span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Not too long afterwards both Ella (by then BBL's PA) and I became pregnant. Pretty much everything to do with our maternity leave was mishandled by BBL and in the end we both got the absolute legal minimum time off and money paid to us. We had both given her miles more that our contracts required but when it came to her showing us some appreciation she just didn't want to know.</span></span></span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When we returned after our maternity leave things got even worse. At the end of our first week back the Big
Boss Lady called us into the office to let us know that she wanted us to work
in New Zealand for her. BBL would have liked me to run the scientific side of
her new venture near Christchurch with Ella as the Administrative Manager. The
salary and perks would have been excellent, at least twice what we are on in England
but of course everything comes with a price attached. BBL must have been
planning this for ages and we felt a bit ambushed by her. After a lot of thinking we said a firm no and our relationship with BBL never recovered.</span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">
</span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Things quickly came to a final crisis when
BBL was told Ella that she was going to have to leave the business to save money. Then BBL
said she could stay but only part time and on a "zero hours"
contract. Unsurprisingly Ella said no. So BBL said she could stay full time but
on a reduced salary. Still unsurprisingly Ella said no again. Ella then went
out and got a job working in a law practice 3 days a week but on about 80% of
what she was earning full-time when she was working for BBL. </span></span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span></span><br />
<span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><span style="line-height: 115%;"><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I didn’t want to work for BBL after Ella had
been treated so badly so I started looking round for alternative employment which I found with no trouble. <span style="color: blue;">And there the story ends and it makes me feel quite sad.</span></span> </span></span></span></div>
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif; line-height: 115%;">
</span><br />
<span style="mso-fareast-language: EN-GB;"><span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: "calibri";"> </span></o:p></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"><o:p></o:p></span> </div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-35782759380930224902016-05-13T00:02:00.000-07:002016-05-13T00:02:20.188-07:00A monthly magazine for care-leavers?<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">This week I received a flyer seeking my support for the publication of a monthly electronic magazine targeted at care-leavers. The editorial team seem to be bursting with enthusiasm at the "new" business model they have come up with and they seem convinced that a subscription paying readership of 250 is achievable within 12 months.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">When I first read it I assumed it was a wind-up spoof written by Ella or Didi but now I think they are serious. Oh dear! Quite a few of us have been down the monthly magazine route before - unsuccessfully - and I think the editorial team have seriously under-estimated how much hard work is going to be required to generate the proposed 16-20 pages of content per issue. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Perhaps the strangest aspect of this proposal is that potential readers will have to pay £12.00 per annum to receive the magazine. This, of course, makes its success even less likely. None of the ideas for regular content are original and my immediate concern is that once the initial energy and enthusiasm has drained away the magazine will quietly fold. For a freebie that wouldn't matter overmuch but once you start accepting paid subscribers then non-delivery of paid-for issues is quite serious. Any subscriber is going to expect around 200 pages of content (16 pages x 12 issues) for their money and creating that isn't going to be either quick or easy.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I know Theo, the #2 in the organisation, who was last seen by me tied to a lamp-post in Manchester (don't ask, it is a long story!) but the other names on the flyer are unknown. That isn't either a good thing or a bad thing but it is interesting. I have often wondered if there are many organised groups of care-leavers scattered around the country totally ignorant of the existence of other similar groups?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I cannot believe with all the thousands of care leavers in a place like London there isn't somebody with the drive to set up a self-help group. But none of my circle of friends have ever seen proof that such a group exists. If they do they must be operating in semi-secret, perhaps by invitation only?</span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">I emailed the promoters to wish the new magazine well but also explaining why I wouldn't be subscribing. I wasn't even slightly surprised not to get a reply!</span>The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-2314191909961493198.post-24806878044510028262016-05-06T01:33:00.000-07:002016-05-06T01:33:04.881-07:00A quiet wedding - and a noisy reception<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;">Obviously the most important event of the year so far was the marriage between 38DD and Charlotte up in Blackpool. The two of them had shared a flat for several years - just as friends - but as time went by they decided that the feelings they had needed to be acknowledged and so they got engaged and then married.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "calibri";"></span><span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"> </span></div>
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt; text-align: justify;">
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p>The six of us went up to Blackpool in two cars. Nicola and Alice (the youngsters ) travelled up with their two Dad's leaving Ella and I to go up on our own. We were all booked into a Premier Inn in Blackpool for the Friday and Saturday nights and that worked well. Didi and Magda came up early on Saturday morning and just stayed for one night in the same hotel as us.</o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p>The ceremony was held at a venue that was too small for anybody other than close family to attend so for most of us the celebrations started when the happy couple arrived at the hotel. As usual the photographs took far too long but the photographer had a list of what he wanted to do and nothing was going to speed him up!</o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p>The reception after the ceremony was a great success. The hotel where 38DD works gave a very generous discount on the usual price for the venue and the catering company that employs Charlotte provided the food and drink at pretty much cost price. Well done to both employers for being so generous and kind!</o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p>There were lots of people there that we knew well so a memorable afternoon and evening was pretty much guaranteed. Almost all the Blackpool "gang" were there for part, most or all of the reception. The most notable absentee was Di from Leeds (who actually lives in Preston) who was out of the country on holiday - she missed a treat. We were particularly pleased to see North Pier I who looked particularly smart in his 3-piece suit.</o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p>One thing that weddings teach me is how little overlap there is between some of my circles of friends. It can come as quite a shock to realise that although I know 38DD very well I have other equally close friends who have never met her and wouldn't even recognise her name. Ella pointed this out to me, not for the first time, when I wondered aloud why none of the Penarth and Barry group had been invited to the reception!</o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: "arial" , "helvetica" , sans-serif;"><o:p>The husbands and little ones had had a lovely time without us but it was still something of an anti-climax for all of us to have to drive back home on Sunday.</o:p></span></div>
The Authorshttp://www.blogger.com/profile/07030791919549583999noreply@blogger.com0