Friday, 19 February 2016

12 months in the life of a former foster child

Written by Didi in January 2015

2014 is a year that I will always remember.

Back in late 2013 Magda and I split up after two years together. It all happened so suddenly that even now I can hardly bear to think about it. I wanted a more public, more permanent if you prefer it, recognition of our joint status but Magda didn’t and we went our separate ways. December 2013 passed in a horrid blur and although we had a short lived reconciliation over Christmas that only “worked” because we didn’t ever discuss the issue that was dividing us!

Magda went back to Norway and she and I exchanged emails for a few months but these messages were causing both of us great distress so in the summer even that stopped. For a few months I switched the emotional part of my brain off. I did my job as best I could and I kept in touch with my various friends both in the town and throughout the UK but it wasn’t really me doing these things. I was just an actress playing a role in some second-rate play. I kept hoping that something would happen to change the sadness I was feeling inside me but nothing did.

As I wrote in July “I have felt surrounded by grey clouds for much of the time and I've been aware, all too painfully aware, that I have been a source of much worry to my friends and foster parents alike. Believe me that wasn't through my own choice!”

The death of “Boy who will not be named” hit me quite hard. I didn’t know him that well in terms of recent  face-to-face contact but he was in my friendship group and his sudden death was a nasty shock.

In late September Magda got in touch with Eve and Ella and then a couple of days later Magda wrote to me. She told the three of us that she had a "Didi shaped hole" in her life. What Eve and Ella didn’t know until later was that Magda then made a promise to me that she would be coming back to England in November or December 2014. This was to be a secret between the two of us!

Meeting her at the airport was one of the great emotional moments of my life and I couldn’t share it with anybody because her return was to remain unknown - just in case. We haven’t put the clock back but luckily neither of us had ever said things that couldn’t be unsaid so there wasn’t too much damage to be repaired. Our master plan fell apart when Magda was seen in the town by our mutual friend Grace. Word spread as it was bound to and so we had to confess to lots of people!

So many of you, both blog readers and friends from other social networks, have supported Magda and I during this enormously difficult time which is why Magda and I agreed that this “soap opera drama script” needed to be written. Now you are all up to speed!

Written by Didi in February 2016

2015 was one of the best years of my life. A new job, a new home and a former lover safely re-installed into my life!

For most of the year Magda and I were living in Gloucestershire where I was Assistant Manager of a hotel. I was happy enough there except for one thing - I was the lowest paid Assistant Manager in the entire chain despite an unbroken chain of excellent annual appraisals! My salary review was postponed at least three times so in the end I started looking around for a new job and very quickly found one up in Worcestershire. As Eve described it, "It was a bigger and better salary in a bigger and better hotel" . As you might guess within 24 hours of handing in my notice I was promised all sorts to make me stay - I declined gracefully and off I went with Magda in tow.

We stayed for a while with Eve and Ella while we hunted for somewhere to rent. After a few near misses we found somewhere lovely to live and we moved in during October. Our new home is convenient for work and for seeing Eve and Ella at least weekly. It feels strange having a house with an upstairs and a garden when before you have had neither of these. Magda and I don't own a single garden tool between us so we are total novices at that job.

Magda, class act that she is, found an ICT position within 2 hours of starting her job hunt and she seems to be enjoying her new role. She is currently in the USA for a two week training module and I am pining for her!

It was sad saying goodbye to my friends in my previous job but moving around the country following the work is pretty standard in the hotel industry and you just have to get used to it. You promise to keep in touch but most of the time of course you don't. A friend of Eve and Ella's who we had never met before lives just a few doors away from us, it is, as they say, a small world!


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