Friday, 23 September 2016

Words of wisdom - Didi's

“Perhaps it isn’t just a coincidence that Old Timer (in a letter) and my fostered friends from Blackpool (in a phone call) all used the word “rootless” to describe how they feel.

I find that I have strong links to my friends but no sense of belonging to any of the many places I have lived. For reason that some of you know it would not be sensible for me to visit where I was brought up. The few school friends from those days that I have kept in touch with use an email address that only they know and use. None of them know where I live now or what I’m doing with my life.

I check the address quite often but usually none of them have been in touch. And why should they want to have contact with somebody who will not reveal anything about what they are up to?

But being rootless isn’t just geographical. Many of the fostered adults I know have few photos of their childhood and the few photos they do have sometimes have no indication of who is on the photo or where it was taken. I have exactly three photos of my BF, but none of his brother (my uncle) or his parents (my paternal grandparents).
One thing I thought I might share is that not one of the former foster children feels that they have the slightest chance of ever owning a home. And I think this is so sad! The reason isn't hard to find. No "Bank of Mum and Dad" to help out with the deposit combined with the perpetual problem of foster kids timing out of care at a crucial time in their education. But the good news is that many/most of the people I ate/drank/partied with are in happy and long-term relationships and there isn't nearly as much loneliness as there was when they first timed out.
When you are a foster child happiness can be hard to find. The sense of having no roots and no family history to share with friends and co-workers and the, sometimes overwhelming, sense of loneliness can almost unendurable.
"It has been mentioned elsewhere that many foster children and children raised in Care Homes have very little enthusiasm or interest in family history. Too right even seeing the photo of my BF makes my skin crawl. The few photos I have are locked up in a box and I don't have the slightest idea where they are or why I keep them.”



  1. Thank you for sharing this. Do you think your foster family(ies) could have done anything to give you root? Is it something can only come from your birth family?

  2. Good question - It is hard for foster families to give roots as they don't always know how long the young person will be with them.