Sunday, 13 July 2014

Remembering Magda

Ella and I liked Magda and over the last few years we have seen quite a lot of her, usually along with Didi, but sometimes on her own. Our babies Alice and Nicola loved her and when they heard her voice they used to go crawling or running to her.

The relationship between Didi and Magda started going wrong in November 2013. At the time Didi wrote, "Where before it was Didi and Magda it is now just Didi - yes I'm sorry to say that the two of us have split up. Magda has moved out of my flat and now is staying with friends on the other side of town. It was all done in a very civilised and semi-amicable way but I don't think what we once had can ever be resurrected. It's the old story being repeated for the nth time, where n is an exceptionally large number, where two people wanted different things from a relationship.

Magda was always more sensible and more laid back than me but, so it now seems, nothing could have been further from her mind than a civil partnership. When she realised that was the way my mind was starting to work she wanted out! As far as I know there wasn't any third party involved in the break up, certainly not one involving me that's for sure! We were together two years."

Ella and I hoped that things would sort themselves out but as the weeks went past we started to realise that it wasn't just one of those minor rows, soon forgotten.
At the start of December Didi wrote, "I really don't know how I would have got though the last few weeks without the support of my closest friends. I'm still struggling to come to terms with what has happened. I 100% didn't see it coming and I'm cross that I so misjudged the situation. Not for the first time my big mouth has got me into trouble.

In my job you are paid and expected to have a happy smiling face all the time. And that isn't easy when all you feel like doing is curling up in a ball and not coming out of your flat ever again. So many things in the flat remind me of Magda. Even some of the food in the cupboard are things that she particularly liked and which I will never eat. The problem is that throwing it out is like accepting that the relationship is over and that hurts like crazy!

When you have been a pair for 2 years most of the people you know only think of you in that way. So invitations from my more fringe friends have tended to dry up when they realised that I was single again. They don't seem to want an odd or spare girl at some of their events.

I haven't been out nearly as much as I used to and there is nothing more boring than sitting in your staff flat on your own for your entire day off. I haven't given much thought to Christmas. Most of what I had planned was based on the staff rota at the hotel and when Magda would be free. Now the second of those two doesn't matter any more. One thing that hasn't changed is that I will be going to see some of you lot down in South Wales at the "gathering". Be prepared for me to be in a funny mood!

I don't know how Magda is. It isn't that I don't care because I care so much that she is happy. I just haven't spoken to her or seen her for 2 weeks. That feels like a life-time. I would have her back tomorrow if that is what she wanted. She knows that but she wants time and space to think through where she goes next. I wouldn't be too shocked if she went back to Norway as I imagine she needs some TLC as much as I do."

Christmas came and the two of them were both so sad. They stayed in regular touch with us and Didi's Christmas letter updated all her friends on how things were.
"I had so much hoped that when I posted before Christmas I was going to be able to say that I was back with Magda and that everything in my life was wonderful. Well I'm not and so it isn't.

I saw Magda briefly when I was in town. She looked so sad I just wanted to rush over and give her a big hug but as I was on the Park-and-Ride bus and she was walking into the town bookshop I couldn't. I did get off the bus at the first rather than the second stop and hurried back to see if I could find her but I couldn't. It was all very upsetting.

The Christmas rota at the hotel is a shambles. When people have a party around Christmas or New Year they don't give a thought to the poor suckers who have be on duty at the venue. Customers have paid their money and they expect decent service. This means plenty of staff around but also means that the staff at the hotel don't get much of the holiday time off.

Somehow I have managed to get the 24th, 25th and 26th off work but the price I have had to pay is working the next 8 days in a row (27th Dec to 3rd January). I am going to Eve and Ella's "Open House" on Christmas Day, staying there until late afternoon and then driving down to near Penarth (west of Cardiff) to attend the South Wales bash on Boxing Day. I will need to set off from there early on the 27th to get back to the hotel to start my shift in the afternoon. So no drinking for me on either day.

The weather forecast is dire for the next couple of days but I reckon I will travel almost regardless. Hopefully I will see quite a few of the readers of this blog at one or other of the events!"

Over Christmas it seemed that the worst was over. It was all quite dramatic and romantic with Magda arriving unannounced at the South Wales bash to talk to Didi. There were lots of tears and laughter and what we hoped was a happy ending. 
But it wasn't to be. Within a few weeks Magda had flown back to Norway. The story that was put out for public consumption was that it was for a holiday with her parents but now we know that she didn't expect to be coming back to England.
Magda and Didi exchanged regular "just good friends" emails for the next few months but in early July 2014 even that stopped. So that is where we are today - one good friend probably gone from our lives for good and another friend left emotionally battered.
I have a lovely picture of Didi, Magda and our two babies sitting together in our lounge and I hope that perhaps one day fate will allow us all to meet up again. 

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