My Uncle John was killed in a Japanese air raid just before the fall of Singapore. My Dad came back in a terrible physical and mental state and he died when I was 3. It is sad that I don't remember either of them other than as fading pictures in an photograph album. I think Uncle John was going to get married but then everything was postponed because he got called up. Then of course he didn't come back at all. I wonder if his young lady will be remembering him today? Probably not because so many dreadful things happened during the war years.
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One thing I think I lost by being fostered was confidence. Looking back through my life I can think of several times when I allowed bad things to happen because I was scared to say anything. I was a funk. When I was being fostered I never got into trouble with them for either doing or not doing things. What I did didn't worry my foster parents providing the "boys in blue" didn't get involved. I reckon I started to think that I didn't matter very much.
Being stupid like that went on for years. I remember when we were sorting out the wedding reception. What we paid for wasn't what happened. The room in the hotel hadn't been decorated as they had promised and I should have made a fuss and got some money back. But I didn't because I found complaining so hard to do.
Even in my current job I have not been good at trying to get what I wanted. The job share I'm doing is alternate 2 and 3 days a week in a school as a technician. Just because this is what the other guy wanted to do. But this is changing from December.
I joined a fostering group almost by accident.
There I met some youngsters who were very kind to me and gave me some confidence back.
So I became a staff governor.
Then the Head Teacher noticed me far more and talked to me quite often. The Vice-Chair of Governors also goes to the same stamp club as me - I have known him for years.
So I felt brave enough to mention to them about my hours and that what was happening was supposed just to be a trial. They had forgotten this so from December it is my turn to choose the hours and the other guys turn to fit in.
The youngsters have also encouraged me to be a blogger for them. This has been helping me feel more grown-up (at 59!)
Old Timer - Monday 11th November 2013
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